place = people

Rose: Ate a chocolate chip cookie from Subway. 8/10.

Bud: I’m going to a Bestu Varas (Gujarati New Year, after Diwali) dinner hosted by SGS (Singapore Gujarati Society) (wow so many parentheses) tonight and am quite excited (I have picked up saying “quite” from Singaporeans, they say it quite often).

Thorn: I’m still sick (it’s been a month), the doctor’s office has no available appointments, and I’m starting to get really concerned.

I was going to write this at the end of my exchange semester as a reflection but as you may know, I’m quite impatient so here it is instead, a month and a half before I’m supposed to leave for America again.

Since this is the internet, I won’t reveal the exact location, but I grew up in the suburbs of Pennsylvania. And when I say suburbs, I don’t mean the kind with a cute Main Street and a Trader Joe’s. I mean cornfields. Literal cornfields. Walk five minutes from my house in any direction and all you see is corn. Just corn on corn on corn (Okay I think you guys get it). Then I went to Chapel Hill for college, which is essentially just the university and some wealthy people who live far enough away that they don’t have to deal with college students.

This is some much needed context, as being used to this type of environment made me an avid hater of cities. Obviously. I like my space, I like my quiet, I like being able to see more than three stars at night. Cities always seemed loud and overwhelming and honestly kind of pointless when you could just… not be in a city.

And then I decided to study abroad in Singapore. One of the most densely populated places on Earth. Smart, huh?

So naturally when I got here, I was SO homesick. I’d say I’m pretty good at keeping myself occupied, but I recall there were several nights where I’d be walking back to my apartment from the MRT, and since my mind was empty, I’d cry the entire 13 minute walk home because I missed my mom, my dad, my house, Chapel Hill, and my best friends. Everyone that makes home home.

And it’s hard to explain that kind of homesickness to people because it sounds so goddamn dramatic, but it’s this constant weight in my chest that doesn’t really go away. I’d be having an awesome time, eating such good (and cheap) food, seeing cool stuff, meeting incredible new people, and it’s still just sitting there reminding me that I’m far from people who love me.

I was afraid that I’d never feel at home anywhere else again.

As time went on, I felt less and less that way. Of course, nothing beats home, no doubt about that. But I’ve come to realize that people make the place. I’ve come to love and adore quite a few of my exchange friends, and especially the friends I’ve made with Singaporeans. Everyone is so sweet, so welcoming, and so caring of me, I think maybe because they see me as being here “alone” (my best guess, maybe they just think I’m the most awesome person to exist idk). That’s funny but sweet because they’re way nicer and welcoming than they need to be. But I’m not complaining. My friend invited me and one of our other friends to her home for Diwali dinner and fireworks and although I’ve never been a big Diwali person, being there felt so warm and sldjfowieflksdjfk. Yk? Just feel the vibes man idk.

I realized it’s going to hurt just as bad to leave Singapore as it was to leave Chapel Hill.

I came here thinking location was everything. Like, if you’re in the wrong place, you’re just stuck being miserable until you can get back to the right place. But apparently that’s not how it works.

I wouldn’t go so far as to call Singapore “home.” That still feels like a stretch, and also kind of disrespectful to actual home. But I get it now. The people you surround yourself with- the ones who invite you to their home out of love, the ones who text to make sure you made it back okay, the ones who show you their favorite places, care to know about yours, they’re what turn a place from just a location on a map into something that actually matters. People really do make the place :’)

Gahh so much goey-ness. Anyway. People are cool sometimes. Who knew!?

46 days to go. Hopefully this ages well 😛.

Home @ Pennsylvania